Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize