this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
