Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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