I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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