I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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