Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
