Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize