i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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