i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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