I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
