2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
my liver is dry heaving
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
