shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
