Soap is not a condiment
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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