i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
