I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
This house was built for laser tag.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
