That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
