what day is it and did you see me today?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
