If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize