The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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