I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
