Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
