Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
