I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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