he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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