My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
