non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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