I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
