She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
