I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
