It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
