I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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