I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
