You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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