Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
