I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
