'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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