So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
