After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
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