I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize