Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
so let's talk penis.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
