drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize