Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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