i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
