your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He felt like a one man threesome
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
