I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
