New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
