I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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