Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
