i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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