What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
