$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
