i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
