census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
