good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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