so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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