ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
the liver wants what the liver wants
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
