every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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