And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
