Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
