Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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