They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
