Having a random hookup so left but love u
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
