Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize