Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
