There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
