Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
