70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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