so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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