i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
