I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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