I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
