I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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