Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize