airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
