Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
