Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
